I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, asking myself “am I going to feel like I’m stuck in a tug of war forever? I’m exhausted, so what is the point of getting to the next battle”? Yes, having divorced parents is very hard, to say the least, especially when all their energy is focused on their hate for one another. It seemed to cloud their judgement, so you continue to ask yourself, “are the actions and judgements that my parents take really for my well-being or just in spite of the other parent”? These questions always sit in the back of my mind and linger and sometimes when these questions do arise, I want answers. Julia, my sister, comes to lay beside me. She holds my hand and wipes a tear that seemed to be dangling off my chin with the back of her finger. Now, Julia is younger than me and was still a baby when my parents ended things and life seemed to go up in flames and even though I was young too at the time, I was old enough to be competent to have formed memories and judgements. Though Julia and I didn’t really go through the exact same experience with the divorce and even now, don’t go through the same hassles with our parents, she knew me, deeply. She is my parson, my middle man (or I guess woman in this case), she understood how intricate things, things that even now I can’t seem to explain to another person because it is so deep in thought. But Julia always got the message I was trying to send and the perfect thing about her is the fact that, yes we are in the situation but we do handle things differently. Julia has turned into an insider, with my outsider’s perspective. I finally break the silence, “Do you think they will ever stop hating each other, for the sake of us?” She lets out a sigh, like she has holding her breath for too long, “people don’t really change Lea, but later in life when we aren’t kids anymore, they will see the error of their ways”. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we love our parents and they each had their pros and cons, plus, Julia and I were lucky enough to have both of them in our lives. But today just seemed like a blocking point. My parents craved for everything to be exactly equal and fair, and as the saying goes “life isn’t fair” everything, including Julia and I cannot be split exactly down the middle. So, when things came to a point where it did not seem fair, one parent would back out just because of the other parent. I snapped back into reality and realized that Julia and I were still laying here. Money for college was today’s battle and with the feeling of loneliness weighing down on me, Julia sensed it. “Julia, I can always count on you, right”? She sat up to look at me, “Lea, you are a best friend and sister and I'm sorry to tell you that you are never going to get rid of me,” I let out a laugh.
Lea Savoy
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